Nigerian singer, actor and entrepreneur Banky W has shed light on the importance of intentionality in marriage, especially when couples face long periods of physical separation. Speaking on a new episode of the Mentality Podcast, he recounted a story that deeply struck him — one that illustrates how emotional distance can quietly grow even when one partner believes they are doing everything right.
A Husband’s 15-Year Sacrifice That Ended in Divorce
According to instablog9ja, during the conversation, Banky W explained that he once encountered a man who made tremendous sacrifices to support his wife’s dreams. According to him, “There’s a guy I know whose wife wanted to go off to nursing school in the States, so the kids went with her, and he was earning in Naira while paying her fees abroad. Literally, he spent… maybe ten to fifteen years working tooth and nail and sending money overseas. By the end of that period, the wife asked for a divorce. She said, ‘We don’t even really have a marriage anymore because we grew apart.’”
The story, though painful, served as a strong reminder that financial support alone is not enough to sustain a marriage. Banky W stressed that while pursuing opportunities is important, couples must still find ways to remain connected emotionally, mentally and physically.
“Rules of Engagement” Are Essential in Marriage
Banky W explained that one of the ways he and his wife, actress Adesua Etomi-Wellington, protect their marriage is through deliberate agreements. He said, “I think with couples, you have to decide what your rules of engagement are ahead of time. For instance, my wife and I decided before our marriage even started that if we’re in the same city, we’re sleeping in the same place even if it’s a hotel. There’ll never be a scenario where we’re in the same city and I’m here and you’re there.”
This principle, he noted, helps prevent unnecessary emotional distance and reinforces the commitment to remain present for one another.
The Importance of Early Communication
Pastor Banky W further emphasized that good communication must start early in marriage, especially within the first year when most couples are still learning each other’s patterns. He explained, “Put it in mind early. In that first year, you’re working out the kinks… you’ll now fight, she’ll now say she’s packing her bag and going to her sister’s house, or you to your sister’s. Just go and say hello, then come back home.”
By addressing conflicts without creating physical separation, couples can avoid deepening emotional wounds.
Safeguarding Relationships Through Shared Boundaries
He concluded by reminding couples that marriage thrives when both partners intentionally create boundaries designed to protect the relationship. As he stated, “In scenarios like this, you have to discuss what those rules are just so you’re protecting against those gaps.”
Banky W’s reflections have sparked conversations about sacrifice, presence, long-distance marriage and the importance of consistent emotional connection in maintaining a healthy relationship.